Japan
And so I am in.
It'd be harder than it seems to, as I so crudely put it across, "Leave Singapore behind on the plane".
It seems Singapore catches up with you, rather quickly.
And her bite pains.
Now let me forget Singapore at least... for another two days now.
Please.
I miss you.
What I Saw
So it is... but what I saw.
And so I feel what I saw I would, in its entirety.
And so it is thus.
It is as if every second drags through days...
It is as if the malevolant flame streaks engulf my heart.
And I feel like ripping it out of my chest
To stop...
The pain.
My mother notices... I think. But not does she do anything.
And I hope what has happened today will calm the storms in this household... at least for a little while.
I Shall be leaving for the next few days. These are notices to those whom not was I able to convey my imperatives to.
Eric. All schemes before this day are negated and void. Especially those regarding that matter. I shall contact you with further details on my immediate return.
DS. Sorry I can't make it monday... I'll cya on thursday yea?
Pwiffie. Save me.
Darth Sulphate. I apologize for my innate absence during recent times. There are matters I must discuss with you upon my return.
Leopie. People Suck.
Now....
The pain is killing me.
Slavery
I will not be a dog to you any longer.
I will not return BEGGING for your forgiveness.
For what you have spoken that you were upset about, I have already apologized. MULTIPLE times.
And if that is not good enough for you, John, then so be it.
Perhaps it never dawned on you, that I have emotions.
And if you don't care about that
If your preference lies in those fallen fools
If your overwhelming ego stops you from seeing the truth
If you wish to continue your extreme biasedness with no regards whatsoever about my feelings
then so be it.
Then this slavery shall end.
Perhaps I cared for you too much. Perhaps I stayed by you too long.
That now you see me foreverlonging.
But I shall die one day.
Who takes who for granted, John?
Stay by your fools.
And be calmed you may, for this shall only hurt me. Me and only me. Live your life like you would if I died.
Live your happy, lucky life.
And forget not my words once spoken.
That when the bitter cold wind blows, and all that falls around you are dead leaves, then, maybe then, you'll miss the ones once green.
This will hurt me. This will hurt.
But staying by you will hurt more.
For you have been blessed with too many friends to treasure the ones you have.
For you have been blessed with too much love to understand it truely.
So I leave these dreaded halls of Maris Stella the same way I entered those four painful long years ago.
Alone.
Alone.
Forever Alone.
Even though I'm the Sacrifice,
You won't try for me not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone... missing me?
- Evanescence- Missing
To Love
"A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain."
-Abraham Cowley
"Where have all the feelings gone?
Why is the deadliest sin - to love as I loved you?
Now unblessed, homesick in time,
Soon to be freed from care, from human pain.
My tale is the most bitter truth:
Time pays us but with earth and dust, and a dark, silent grave.
Remember, my child: Without innocence the cross is only iron,
Hope is only an illusion and Ocean Soul's nothing but a name...
The Child bless thee and keep thee forever"
Glitter
"How Sweet.
To finally speak, and not through you.
My Sweet darling."
-And so he spoke
The blatent sweetness of a sparkless night.
And her dark, inherent beauty.
For when all humanity creeps me away from
And in solitude douse me
I may glimmer in the moon's soft light
Snuggling in her nonexistant embrace
And May I rest under her watchful eyes
For she'll keep me safe at night
The beauty of one so delicate,
Basking in, oh such cold tears.
As I see in her disappointed, weary eyes.
My being.
"Bosom for a teary cheek"
It... does elude me.
These answers which humans inherently wish to see exist.
I see... emptiness. I see nothing. And yet caught in its very core I feel the call of despair.
If exist you be, then to this do answer.
What right do you think you have to cause us such pain
I see struggles. I see fights. But all shall fall before the word of evil. Before the word of hypocrisy. Before the fallen words whom to which I once found refuge.
But to see the truth apparently, is to be cursed.
What fault was it of mine to comprehend?
To comprehend your dark, selfish nature.
And I say now, the Kingdom of Heaven was never meant for anyone but those whose creation was the creator.
And in their eyes you are all cursed.
It was never meant for you.
So quit preaching, murderers.
You Made Me Who I Am.
And these last word to those who relentlessly insist to others the failed concept of releasement of pain.
Or simply put, "Moving On"
I say to you.
Unless gone through such pain you have,
Unless fathom even the slightest of what we go through you can,
Unless you have ever had to try.
Unless you have ever bled, as we have bled.
SPEAK NO MORE OF THAT.
For words flow quicker than blood.
HOW CAN I FORGET WHEN ITS ALL I'M MADE OF
HOW CAN I FORGET WHEN ITS ALL I AM?
and... how can I forget when if you all continue to exist?
So I beg you please.
LEAVE ME BE.
curse you all.
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