Surrounded by a hurricane of choices.....
Its Me. Or Us.
I seem to find myself very wierd. Sometimes I'll be really gothy, then I'll be really helpful, then really quiet... and I keep thinking.
Who I am and who I pretend to be are very different.
I'm really really really stressed out. So much so that I actually am not feeling very well any more.
The amount of homework load that is burdened on my mind is so much so that I think I might lose my sanity. I'm sorry if I have offended you before. I'm not sure who I am now.
After working for a whole day since 1pm, I'm really really freaked out now. You know, my mind feels very heavy and loaded and slow in thinking. So far from 1pm to 9:10pm now, I've managed to:
Complete All but the summary of the english comprehension "November 1981", scrape through the Fatimah summay, finish 1/2 of the surds A math homework, and.... thats all. Abide some Chinese tuition, 3 hrs of travelling and dinner time.
Guess what I still have?
Two Chemistry Excercises, Re-doing the stupid elephant rescues her calf comprehension, completeing the November 1981 summary and math homework, revise for tommorow's English and Biology tests, and somehow revise two chapters of chinese.... by tonight.
I'm still due for 1 detention after skool, one SPECIAL detention, I'm gonna be culled for my hair, and it doesn't help that I'm not feeling very well.
I hate my life. Tell me ten thousand facts that I'm not stressed and I'll kill myself. Why doesn't anyone see? Why won't anyone help me? Thats why I despise humans.... expecially those malicious evil ones who go one criticising....... like my dad.
I know to others I seem really free, really happy-go-lucky. Tell you what, its all an act.
And its the F***ing EXAM PERIOD and i still need to go for detention. I'm sick and nobody cares. I'm stressed and my parents think it an act. They don't believe me, they never did. Nobody Cares.
It's 9:30 pm now... and I've got to finish my work before 12pm.
Lord help me.
Thoughts to myself
I have been given time alone..... and I have gone through the musics and possessions i once had.
I sat down quietly, thinking, meditating.
I have started to think..... Why am i here?
What of my previous posts? It seems so... different.
As if there is another me talking.
Perhaps I am more than one person in this shell.
But I feel I am not.
I feel whole.... yet split apart.
I feel different now. Not angry, but sad, lonely.
Who did I ever know?
Who ever loved me?
I feel lonely. Like a sole leaf on the grounds of a dead tree, with the breeze blowing slightly, and all others gone.
I feel like a single grain of sand, lost in a desert, with no one caring or bothering.
No More Anger.
Feel Peace.
Thus I have changed the music and picture on this blog, to reflect who I am now.
I hope the music does not change.
For the ones who truely live are the ones who never did.
- Kyros
This world is lost, for hate and anger fuel it, and one day it shall pay the price of power.
- Kyros
One day, greed will exist no longer. The people's hearts will be healed and everyone shall recieve their eternal reward. That is eternity.
- Kyros
.........you don't know how its like to be....Evanescent.........
This whole damned week was a quick surreal blur for even the strong-minded, lest be said about the weak.
seems like all the MSHS teachers want out of us are results. they expect us NOT to be sponges and absorb all their teachings, but then desire us sponges by squeezing us for results.
Damn them.
Lest Death Klaim all of them.
Ronson has been moved beside me. MGY moved in front, Markus Chan moved further infront.
Ronson hates his place. Hao Feng hates me. Ivan Ng hates my nattering about death. Andrew hates me too(ithink). Jason hates sizan, mshs hates eric gong gong, yihe hates evanescence, nick lu hates da CLTs too.
Hate is imperative. it builds the world. it destroys it. it controls it. it severs ties, it builds ties. pure hate can be powerful.
I have a loadful of homework to complete too. i cannot remember what it is. this week has been surreal. i cannot remember. i cannot remember. i cannot remember. maybe i am not supposed to remember. maybe i am.
"KOTOR II: The sith lords" is out. I got it.
Due to NCC i reached home extremely late for the past few days. my mum still wants me to work. WORK. everyone is evil. humans never understand.
thursday.....live range firing...... i did not get a marksmanship badge. who gives a damn though. it is but a badge in a small unit in a small defence force in a small country in a small continent in a small planet.
it is disregarded.
see the greater forces. the greater powers. life. and death. love and hate. power and weakness. intelligence and stupidity.
friday..... bukit timah hike. wasn't it great. best environment, best weather. to be alone by myself. nobody caring. nobody loving.
no body loves me.
love is weak.
hate is strong.
do not forget.
hate is strong
Yea, I'm a goth.
Wads with them teachers, its like they take pleasure in making us do endless horizons of homework and bid them handed up the next day.
Jennifer Goh's not that bad. The CLTs should DIE!! Stab them *stab* *stab* *stab* like its our bloody(the pun) fault that its the chinese new year and other ncc people go overseas and were absent. like its our bloody fault that they did not turn up. who takes all the blame? those who actually go. lets just kill them all. ncc sucks.
Fong Kit Chin is wasting our money. the number of files and stuff. chinese language should go down the drain. who needs to know so sophisticated chinese to survive. the only chinese used in modern day life are the hawker centers and bus drivers. the future will see to that changed.
common tests arrived like a flash in the wind. who wants them so fast?
dumb kwok's morning lectures do not satisfy the limits of common sense. i hope not all teachers in the dicipline commitee are as mentally imbecile as him.
if any human who has a copy of the two star kayaking form and personal particulars form kindly make a photocopy for me. i had an ankle sprain and never recieved the forms.
i asked nicely.
A Cold Welcome?
Hi. Welcome to my blog, my first successful blog. Nope i'm not Computer-Ignorant, its just that life is cruel.
Isn't that what blogs are for? To B*tch about life?
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